Reaching for You

2007-02-15T09:31:00.000+08:00

A Broken Spirit

A broken spirit and a contrite heart

You will not despise

You desire truth in the inward parts

A broken spirit

And a contrite heart

Lord my heart is prone to wander

Prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart

Lord take and seal it

Seal it for Your courts above

2007-01-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it.

It comes the very moment you wake up each morning.

All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals.

And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other Voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in.

And so on, all day.

C. S. Lewis, 1900-1963

2006-10-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

JAMES 1

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;

8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

9 The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position.

10 But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower.

11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;

14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.

15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.

17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Father, I thank You that You've revealed to us that You'll be sending revival soon. I pray that the cell will continue to persevere despite all that's happened. Mould us and make us into the children You desire us to be. Teach us to trust in You and to be faithful always. Open our eyes to the work of Your hands. Amen.

2006-08-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

It's all about You
Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God and I surrender
To Your ways

2006-08-08T20:50:00.001+08:00

I was so tense on the first and second day because I wanted everything to be perfect - I was serious about serving God. I forgot to let God take control. Through a series of misadventures God slowly revealed to me that He is in control and He's a lot less worried about the serious side of things than we are.

"Lighten up, man!" I could almost hear Him saying as the kids were laughing at me after the "ball's hall" comment. And I did. I "let go and let God", as I've heard it said before.

I hope that you can learn to do the same before God chooses to humble you through humour. Trust me, it's embarrassing.

- Chris Roberts

TILL I SEE YOU
The greatest love that anyone will ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
Till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'll let Your will be done
Till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
Till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

2006-08-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

buddy and i went to the NDP 2006 preview on saturday. went whacko with the digicam as usual. haha. some of the pictures that we took:

yummy food............... yeah right.

don't snatch my goodies!

ah finally. cool hair in the hot and humid stadium.

the amazing fireworks

the end!!!

2006-07-25T18:00:00.001+08:00

was watching jerry maguire this afternoon and i happened to catch the emotional part where tom cruise realises that he loves renee zelleweger.
you complete me.
the famous line of the show.
handsome and charming tom cruise saying that.
i would have probably swooned like the rest of the female viewers if i didn't watch oprah yesterday.

maybe it's cos i'm on holiday and i've been busy busy busy during this whole holiday that you give me 2 days of rest and suddenly i don't know what to do with myself that i'm starting to watch gossipy talk shows and sappy romantic movies.
yesterday it was featured on oprah that a man nicknamed casanova actually had 9 women he was either married to or engaged to over the span of 2 years.
how these women actually got conned i have no idea.
this man actually proposed within weeks of meeting them and they actually had no qualms about saying yes.
because he knew what to say at the right time.
he looked average.
they knew next to nuts about him except that he claimed that he was either in the navy or the airforce.
and that he always turned up for dates in his uniform.
isn't that like a big giveaway?
like doesn't this guy have clothes or is he psycho or something to wear the same thing all the time?
and he managed to carry on this facade till one of the last of his fiancees' or wives' or whatever's mother found cheques missing and checked up on him to find out that he had been to jail and had been married so many times.
funny how she gets suspicious of a man who steals money from her yet she wasn't suspicious of him when her daughter decides to get hitched to a man she barely knew.
huh.
durr-brains.
and guess what?
he actually used the line, "you complete me."
eurgh.
no wonder i got put off tom cruise just now.

so there's this psychiatrist on oprah, dr robin smith or other, who's an expert on relationships and she gives all these women advice on how they should move on and how they should rectify mistakes.
one thing she said was that women nowadays, even though with sexual equality and what with most of them being career women and "independent", are still trained to think that we're insufficient by ourselves and that we need a relationship, specifically one with a man, to complete us.
she said that we should learn how to complete ourselves with our family and by ourselves so that we won't have to depend on men to complete us.
this is to save us from being desparate to hang onto relationships cos most women think their lives aren't worth it if they don't have a husband or boyfriend.
sad, but the real facts of this world.
some might think it's sexist, but i think that we should really let God be the one to complete us.
not fallible humans who will fail us at times.

i felt far away from God for a few days and i'm so glad that i'm back right beside Him.
cos i've been feeling empty and hollow the past few days.
and it's no wonder because i wasn't tuned in to God.

You complete me, Father.

2006-07-20T11:53:00.000+08:00

PSALMS 51 : 10 - 17
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You.
Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God, You who are God my Saviour, and my tongue will sing of Your righteousness.
Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare Your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice or I would bring it; You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken spirit and contrite heart.
You, God, will not despise.

EZEKIEL 36 : 26 - 29
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put My Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep My laws.
Then you will lieve in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be My people and I will be your God.

I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the grain and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you.

If you are facing hardship, stop and seek an encounter with God.

- Darlene Zschech

2006-07-05T15:11:00.000+08:00

one year.
it's been a year since my life changed.
this night, last year.
how joyful, how different i've been since then.
ah that day when i was mocking when cece winans went up the stage to sing an uber long song of God's glory and love.
and there i was sitting in my seat thinking to myself what can i learn from a woman who just stands there and sings other than she sings better than whitney?
like bring on jack hayford or john maxwell or brian houston who can wow the crowd with words of wisdom and weight.

15 mins into the song and i started crying like i've never cried before.
i hate weaknesses so i don't cry often.
all the previous church camps which i had a feeling and started to cry could not compare to this.
there i was, crying not because i was happy or overwrought or upset.
just crying for i-don't-know-what reason.
and i just couldn't stop.
i wasn't sobbing. just had tears rolling down with my normal face on.
talk abt cry me a river man.
i looked at auntie chris like, "MAKE IT STOP!"
and she smiled at me and said, "you're being touched by God. let Him do the work in you."
and i never worshipped God the same way i used to since then, just singing for the sake of singing. not meaning whatever i sang. not really sure if there was really a God.
it's so different hearing testimonies about God then finally experiencing the Almighty Himself.

halfway through the tears with my head bowed cos i thought i was making a fool out of myself, God said, "it doesn't matter what you've been. all that matters is that you're back with Me now. BE MY MARY."
i never heard God so clearly in my whole life.
it sounded like it came from the huge amp beside the piano when i play.

like hmmm, be His mary huh.
so i thought i'll just sit at His feet and listen like mary did in the Bible right?
except that it didn't really work out after a while.
yeah i still read my Bible daily, i still do my quiet time everyday since that night.
but i still keep getting distracted by many of the worldly stuff.
a few months ago, david sanborn came to our church to speak and he prayed for me and what he said was "God wants you to be His mary."
right.
a few weeks later zec made us read a Bible verse each from the passages he chose.
mine was from mary and martha.
again.
when i went for the silent retreat with the worship team i just had this tug that i really needed a prayer partner.
for what reason, i didn't really know either.
so i prayed for many weeks for a partner and a few people came to mind but i didn't know who to approach.
i got quite irritated after a few weeks and prayed that whoever mentions to me that i've been on her mind for a while, will be my prayer partner.
last sunday while waiting for cheryl's run to start, auntie erika told me that i've been on her mind since before church camp.
like o... k...
God answered my prayers!
yup so we're still settling stuff abt it.

many people to give thanks to:

God: thank You Father for still loving me and bringing me back to You even though i was so far away. i never thought i'd experience You. thank You for having mercy on me and blessing me beyond my wildest dreams. You promised me 2 things like You made a covenant with Abraham and i will claim it when i'm ready. :) You are everything i need and more. i will learn to be the mary You want me to be eventually and to love You with all my heart, soul and mind.

Auntie Chris: thank you for helping me so much this past year especially, being patient with someone who's practically like a born-again Christian and being such a great mentor. i've learnt so much from you and i look forward to learning even more from a princess of God.

Buddy: thank you for supporting me when i was low. thank you for being there when i needed a friend. thank you for blessing me with God's word and turning me to God when i needed to. i'll make sure that your party turns out great, to show how much i appreciate you. :)

Zec: thanks for the many encouragements to better myself and to serve Him with all i have and all that i am. thank you for praying for me many many years ago to be the servant i am today. still have loads to learn. :) thanks for being such a great brother that i never had.

Pastor Kenny: thank you for giving me the chance to go for the conference. thank you for believing in me, for choosing me to go to sydney. if you didn't choose me i guess i might have never changed to be the person i am today.

Auntie Erika: thanks for agreeing to be my prayer partner. i look forward to many fulfulling and enlightening moments with God and you. :)

Dearie: thank you for still loving me after all these years. you have been a light for me through the dark years. i guess it was quite a huge shock you had when i left for sydney as one person and came back nearly a totally different person. haha. but you still love me anyway and i still love you. :)

2006-07-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

my leg muscles are aching.
i haven't ran since like J2's NAPFA which was like 3 years ago and all of a sudden i'm running 2 and a half rounds and walking like 3 more.
haha so not me.
i'm not what you call athletic.
joined category E just in case i can't even run one round and i had loads of uncles and aunties telling me that i'm in the wrong category and physically pushing me out of the group.
uncle edwin told me i was colour-blind.
uncle edwin: your tag shouldn't be purple. it should either be red or blue. are you colour-blind?
me: ah but it's the registration people who gave me the purple band so they're the colour-blind ones.

anyways, went shopping for buddy's party stuff with leo today.
walked from far east to taka and was supposed to walk all the way to plaza singapura to the spotlight there but we were to lazy and tired from yesterday. haha.
that's how tired i am.
so after walking many times round spotlight and finally getting what we needed, leo and i decided to leave early.
the 190 was super crowded as usual when i boarded it and i was moaning how i was going to have to stand all the way to the interchange which is like a good 30 plus mins away.
the lady right in front of me was asleep with her head nodding off.
God spoke to me.
God: my child, do you need a seat?
me: if you don't mind. i'd be so grateful.
immediately the lady woke up and alighted from the bus.
so this happy girl had a seat all the way home. :)
isn't it awesome what our Father does for His beloved children?

oh i could sing unending songs of how You saved my soul
i could dance a thousand miles because of Your great love
my heart is bursting Lord
to tell of all You've done
of how you changed my life and wiped away the past
i wanna shout it out
from every roof top sing
for now i know that God is for me not against me
everybody's singing now
cos we're so happy
everybody's dancing now
cos we're so happy
if only we could see Your face
and see You smiling over us
and unseen angels celebrate
the joy is in this place!

2006-06-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

celebrating charissa's birthday with the cell

sharon and sam leo

me and bong

crystal and chare

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DEAR GIRL!!

may you always be on fire for God
may you grow to be the lovely young lady God made you to be
may you do great things for His kingdom
may you be a living testimony for Him and make a difference in people's lives

2006-06-26T21:10:00.000+08:00

church camp photos

sharon, me and sam leo

us at the cafeteria waiting for our dinner

me and buddy

us playing stone attack during cell time

the ladies on the last day with j mo's stinko foot

me and charissa

the darling cell

2006-06-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

had to give tuition yesterday. amazing how bratty some kids are nowadays. anyways, God was so merciful to me. i was on my way out of the house yesterday and i had this feeling that i forgot something but for the life of me i couldn't remember what i forgot. i double and triple-checked my bag but i had everything i needed. or so i thought. i was happily teaching the first class when i remembered that i forgot my maths notes for my jc 2 class! they tend to ask tons of questions and sometimes i have to refer to my own jc notes cos i can't really remember how certain things go and i forgot my notes. like great. fantastic. i was so going to be the dumb-ass teacher who can't really answer questions. i started praying like mad that they would either ask me questions that i knew how to answer or that they would just not ask any questions at all. crunch time came, and guess what? none of them came at all. they were all on holiday. i couldn't believe my ears when the admin lady told me that. i was laughing my head off when this cherubic primary 3 boy stepped in for his class. oh well. guess God wouldn't let me earn the money just like that.

2006-06-15T19:39:00.000+08:00

the strongest oak tree is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. it's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds, rains and the scorching sun.
-Napolean Hill

just like to thank my darling cell for praying for me when this weakling was sick again. i know it's tedious always having to pray the same prayer for me. haha. but yeah. i appreciate it alot. love you darling people! :)

2006-05-09T13:51:00.000+08:00

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Mark 2:17

Luke 8:48 says "Then He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." "

When I was hospitalised, I prayed really hard that I would get discharged. Like right there and then. I thought going to hospitals was quite cool (this is what you get from watching too much grey's anatomy) but having the doctors poke you everywhere, take your blood pressure and temperature incessantly, do blood tests on you and make you pee for what seems like the 100th time that day to test your urine, it gets kinda horrifying. I don't have a high threshold of pain so it was a total nightmare to me, being on the drip for nearly a day and a half. It reminded me of Luke 8:48. How I wished that God would heal me and tada!! i was miraculously healed and the doctors would be astonished and have no choice but to let me go. No more guinea pig for them to try stuff with. Haa. But nope, no such luck.

I prayed that God would have mercy on me and not let me have an operation. I got admitted (to the maternity ward no less!) and a doctor came to tell me that they would operate on me that very night, whether they found my appendix inflamed or not. Me freaking out was an understatement. So I prayed even more. For some reason, the doctors didn't come back that night and I didn't have any operation. Cool huh? :)

After being discharged, I wondered why didn't God just heal me. I thought that maybe at that point, I didn't trust Him enough to heal me. Then I realised that through all the patient-mode stuff, my family had to take care of me. They had to cover my chores and they did it uncomplainingly. So even though I feel that I could do without being admitted in hospital, I guess I wouldn't be able to appreciate the things my family did for me after that. Not as much as I do now, which I never did before this.

2006-05-08T23:24:00.001+08:00

you.
it had to be you.
why did you have to go anyway?
you had to ruin 4 days of my life.
i've never been so stressed in my entire life.
why i said those things?
because I DON'T TRUST YOU.
simple as that.
not him.
you.
so don't you dare give me crap about what i said.
because i never controlled.
but i had do it.
because of you.
whenever it was OTHER PEOPLE, i never said anything.
because i TRUST (present tense, you hear?) him.
but with you, huh.
who can trust you with the way you do things?
so it's not that i don't trust him.
it's that I DON'T TRUST YOU.
because of you, i lost trust in another friend.
because of you.
you.
you can be cold.
you can walk past and glare.
but i don't care.
you mean nothing to me.
so i know now.
you can't threaten me.
because you mean nothing.
so good riddance!
i'm glad i pissed you off.

2006-03-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

FROM THE INSIDE OUT

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

My heart and my soul
I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Neverending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

2006-01-05T22:17:00.000+08:00

hey.. sorry for the delayed entries. thank God for all those caring, darling people out there! :) been really busy again but hey. one thing i learnt, really really learnt, these past few weeks is that i cannot do all these things in my own strength, but in God's strength, anything's possible! Amen? :)

our darling Father gave me verses in the retreat about 3 weeks ago and i've been wanting to put it up here but yeah, things got in the way. He gave me Galatians 3 at a time where i was back to the "why can't i ever do things right?" with tons and tons of things to do.

Galatians 3:2-5
I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing - if it really was for nothing? Does God give you His Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?

in our hectic daily lives we tend to forget to include God into everything that we do. sometimes i pray so hard for something to happen and when it happens, it somehow slips my mind to thank God automatically and that's something i have to learn to do because i can do nothing, and nothing can happen without God's involvement in it. we have to constantly remind ourselves to prioritise, which are the more important things in our lives: career, family, friends etc. but the person who should be our first priority is always, always, ALWAYS God. cos are you going to focus your sights on earthly things which are temporary, or settle your sights on higher stuff in Heaven?

and as i read Colossians 3 yesterday:

since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. for you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God... put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature... you used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. but now you must rid yourselves of all such things.. since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the the image of its Creator. therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. forgive as the Lord forgave you. and over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. and be thankful. let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. and whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

EVERYTHING'S CHANGED
you ask me why
why i'm so different
why i'm not the same as everybody else
well something changed
it just happened
when i opened up my heart and let Him in

Jesus came in, He came into my life
and i know i never felt so good

everything's changed
everything's is different

you ask me how
how i can be sure
how i know it's not just something else for fun
cos He's so real
so real in my life
He picked me up and turned my universe around

2005-12-14T22:30:00.001+08:00

i'm going to do something that i do great in: whining.

1. i just came back from perth on monday night which makes me dead tired

2. i had to unpack all my luggage yesterday and i had to clean up a bit of the house

3. i just had 12 hours of school, a total of 9 hours in class for 3 different lessons which makes me kinda brain dead and even more tired than i already am

4. i have 2 chapters of financial reporting, 3 chapters of law, 1 chapter of management accounting and 1 chapter of managerial notes to copy by the end of this week cos i missed the classes last week and that's not counting the many examples

5. i've got 3 assignments to finish by next week

6. i've got to pack my luggage for the retreat which is from fri to sunday

7. i've got to prepare stuff for my young adults cell's party next sat

8. i've got to work more closely with someone whom i've yet to be able to be really patient with and being so tired already, my patience level is really much lower than the already very low level

9. i don't have enough time to spend with shaun

10. i thank God that i'm still doing my daily devotion but i still feel it's not enough

11. i have to spend time with a very close girlfriend of mine cos she just broke up with her ass of a boyfriend and she wants me to spend time with her to take her mind off things

12. i've got another really close girlfriend who's back from studying in perth for a while and i'm supposed to bring her around and spend time with her

13. i have to give tuition because my ex-tuition teacher's decided to be lazy so i've gotta take over his classes since he's been asking so prettily. there's 4 and a half hours on both wed and thurs and 9 hours straight of lessons on sat

14. i've got "homework" from work

15. i've got to work for shaun's mum

16. the admin lady from the tuition centre called me yesterday to ask me to take more tuition classes other than the usual maths ones

17. the stupid hairdresser messed up my fringe and now it looks like a freaking crab's pincer

18. i haven't been able to have guitar lessons cos my "instructor" has been busy

19. i've got household chores to do which i'm so not used to doing

so tell me why i haven't gone irrevocably insane yet.

2005-11-25T00:59:00.000+08:00

i was trying to load songs into my mp3 player just now and i came across the song "faithful runner" by eric lee which i haven't heard in ages. i don't know why but my finger somehow double-clicked on the song instead of dragging it into my player and the lyrics just struck me.

FAITHFUL RUNNER
O faithful runner
Breathe your second wind
Lean onto the grace of God
And soar into His wings

You faithful runner
Whenever you should fall
Stand again and lift your eyes
And hear the distant call

Come on faithful runner
I'm calling out to you
When you are weak your strength is gone
I will carry you

Go one faithful runner
You'll never run alone
So keep the fire of faith in you
Cause I will lead you home

and it reminds me that as i carry on in my walk with God, i tend to get tired sometimes or i don't wanna break out of my comfort zone to do something for Him, God will carry me through all this. however, i have to understand the fact that while i wanna continue to have this passion for our awesome Father, i have to lift myself out of "chairs" in order to continue to run the race. i can't just yell "Father! give me the passion! carry me through all this!" i have to continue to arm myself with His Word and His commandments, depending on His strength. "God will lift you out of easy pits but not out of easy chairs" - joyce meyer.

one way to continue being a faithful runner, i've realised through reading the Word, is to give thanks to God. it is then you realise how wonderful and forgiving our Lord God has been and this boosts your relationship with Him in turn. cos you realise that without Christ you are nothing (ecclesiastes). 1 Corinthians 1: 4-9 says, "I always thank God for you because of His grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in Him you have been enriched in every way - in all your speaking and in all your knowledge - because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift (buddy, you reading this?!!!) as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will kepp you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is FAITHFUL." so press on!! be a faithful runner!! :)

2005-11-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

these few days i've been feeling far away from God. somehow i can't seem to hear His voice as much or vision Him as clearly. i've been praying so hard for God to reveal Himself to me but He seems to have gone missing. till monday night when i went for the extended worship with my darling cell and matthew shared some things he learnt from the sisterhood of mary in australia. sometimes God hides His face from us so that we'll learn that we can't do a lot of things on our own strength but on His. and that was just the thing that i wrote in my previous entry. i can't rely on my own strength to get through the bad times but i can always rely on the Lord because nothing's impossible in His name. it's like when i quoted from exodus 15 "the Lord is my strength.. He has become my salvation.. The Lord is a warrior.. In YOUR STRENGTH.." so that's what i gotta learn. to rely more on God than myself.

Philippians 4: 13
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

and this morning when i was doing praying before doing my devotion, this really old song that we haven't sung in church in ages came to me:

ISN'T HE GREAT
Come to the quiet
Seek the Lord and He'll be found

as i started reading the book of joshua today, i was reminded that darlene zschech said that somehow the churches in the world tend to be moving in the same direction. and they quoted this verse alot during the conference, Joshua 1:2 "Moses my servant is dead". meaning that it's time to pass the baton to a younger generation. the joshua generation. i find it terrifying that you can't see where you're going and you don't know where you're going and that's where i have to build up my faith in God and trust in Him that He'll lead me on the path best suited to me and ultimately to Heaven.

Joshua 1: 5-9
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit a land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law My servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and nigth, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

do you notice that in just the first chapter of joshua, the words "be strong and courageous" is repeated a total of 4 times? hmmm..

2005-10-27T22:17:00.001+08:00

although this week's not over yet, it's been an interesting week, sufficient to say. many thanks to 2 special people in my life who were constantly praying and encouraging me for those hellish few days. i really appreciate it and i thank God for blessing me with you beautiful people. :)

i've been feeling pretty impatient as of late. guess it's because i barely have enough time to rest. i hardly even see my room till late at night. i've been either studying, working, practicing for the anniversary or for sunday's service spending time with friends who have been going through even more hellish days than me etc. it just kinda saps all your mental, emotional and physical energy. i was so, so drained. hence the really bad tempers and moods. apologies to those who got a taste of it. i'm usually much more tolerable i assure you. i've been praying for a heart of flesh - so that i may love God's darlings as much as He does. somehow that seems to get tougher and tougher each day. you seriously start wondering why God put such people on earth (Oh Lord, save me!). then i have to remind myself that God made each one of them in His image and likeness and i try to be more.. how to say.. cordial to them even if it means that i'm going to die from holding my tongue (keyword is try).

finally progressed from revelations to exodus. i found it quite hard to understand revelations cos i keep having a hard time picturing certain things. it's pretty scary reading that chapter cos it holds what is to come and you know that you're going to get judged on THE DAY.

how many of us are like the israelites? God brought them out of egypt, saved them from the egyptians at the red sea, blessed them with quail and bread to eat, 12 springs to drink from and 70 palm trees for shade and yet they kept grumbling and doubting that there is such an almighty God. how could they forget so quickly that God blessed them so wonderfully? how could they rail against God that they couldn't eat meat when they actually have food to eat? how many times must God prove to them and show them miracles to them before they believe?

Exodus 15: 1-18
I will sing to the Lord, for He is highly exalted. The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him. The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name. Your right hand, O Lord, was majestic in power. Your right hand, O Lord, shattered the enemy. Who among the gods is like You, O Lord? Who is like You - majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling. You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of Your inheritance - the place, O Lord, You made for Your dwelling, the sanctuary, O Lord, Your hands established. The Lord will reign forever and ever.

2005-10-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

i've been reading this book titled "songs of Heaven" by amanda fergusson and there are so many things to note in this book about worshipping our awesome God and writing new, revealing songs about Him. i remember that one of the first few Christian books i actually finished reading was darlene zschech's extravagant worship and i normally highlight the points that i feel are important in the books. after a while, i realised that 70 % of what i've been highlighting are actually verses from the Bible and that's when i really started reading my Bible in earnest. haha. so likewise from this book, a lot of verses from the Bible struck a chord in me.

Acts 17: 24 - 28
The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of Heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places that they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being.

after reading this verse i just stopped to think and admire our miraculous God. God doesn't want your money, neither does He want Your talent. He is the one who gave us all that. would you then want to worship your own creativity (whatever you came up with, with your creative drive and amazing talent), the created (famous celebrities, someone you idolise, money etc) or THE CREATOR, the person who created these famous people and you with your jaw-dropping talent?

John 4: 23, 24
It's who you are and the way you live that counts before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself - Spirit. Those who worship Him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.

One Voice
Father I ask of You this day
Come and heal our land
Knit our hearts together
That the whole world may be seen in us
That the world may know
That Jesus Christ is Lord
Let us be one voice
That glorifies Your name
Let us be one voice
Declaring that You reign
Let us be one voice
In joy and harmony
And we pray Oh Lord
Grant us unity

2005-10-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

finally managed to finish bobbie houston's "i'll have what she's having" after not reading it for nearly 2 months. funny how i can finish reading storybooks in a matter of hours but it takes a month or more to finish a book like bobbie's. loads of stuff to chew and understand the contents on the book i guess. she's one mighty princess warrior for God. :) i love what she said in the last chapter of her book:

"God is life. God is colour, God is everything delightful and magnificent on the earth... The Word describes God's wisdom and life as varied, with many shades, tints, hues and colourful expressions. Our challenge is to discover, live and weave this colour-dynamic into our lives. Our challenge is then to allow the fullness of the God who lives within us to truly shine forth. In the Last Days, according to the book of Joel, He promised He would pour out His Spirit and a YOUTH GENERATION would catch fire and spread the reality of a living, dynamic and loving God."

after reading that i can't wait to see what God has in store for our generation!! :)
Psalms 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about YOU
It's all about YOU Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it
And it's all about YOU
It's all about YOU JESUS

2005-10-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

when i was about to finish the book of Samuel, i prayed to God asking which book i should read next. and what i got was job, exodus then revelations. i'm really worried that God will test me like he tested job, even by using satan. but as i was doing my daily devotion yesterday i came across these verses:

Job 5: 17-21
Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For He wounds, but He also binds up; He injures, but His hands also heal. From six calamities He will rescue you; in seven no harm will befall you. In famine He will ransom you from death, and in battle from the stroke of the sword. You will be protected from the lash of the tongue, and need not fear when destruction comes.

Father, let Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Who can stand against You?

2 Samuel 22: 26-33
To the faithful You show Yourself faithful, to the blameless You show Yourself blameless, to the pure You show Yourself pure, but to the crooked You show Yourself shrewd. You save the humble, but Your eyes are on the haughty to bring them low. You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for my God, His way is PERFECT; the Word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

SALVATION IS HERE
God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
I don't care what the world throws at me now
It's gonna be alright

Hear the sounds of the generations
Making loud our freedom song
All in all that the world will know Your name
It's gonna be alright

Cos I know my God saved the day
And I know His Word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation who died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Cos You are alive and You live in me

2005-09-29T21:01:00.000+08:00

i just came home from school and i was stoning in the bus in my way home, the guy who sat in front of me was holding up sin ming, the chinese newspaper. the typically kpo me decided to take a peep to see what was written in that paper and guess what i saw? apparently a minister from hong kong said, "hongkongners are not people. we are gods." i am seriously outraged by that but i shan't say anything lest i get charged in court for cursing people or some other reason. but really, if those guys are gods, why has their economy been so lousy? today's straits times said that hk's economy has slumped from 21st position last year to 28th this year and singapore's a far up 6th position. hah. gods my ass. if they're gods then what are we?

i was kinda frustrated yesterday because a friend of mine is having a birthday bash this weekend but i'm not close to this guy friend of mine. he's more of a jc friend's friend. we joke and we talk but i would say that i talk to him more than 3, 4 times a year? so i sms-ed one of my jc girlfriends, who is close to me and is close to him, about what we should buy for him cos there's not much time left and she told me that he wants a fossil watch. like what?!! only 4 of us are sharing and he wants a $200 plus watch? might sound stingy but hey, my dad's not bill gates. honestly, if it's a close friend of mine, i'll willingly spend it on him or her. but i don't exactly know him well and he's never given me anything and he's never done anything nice to me or for me before. and of course i was moody over the fact that i won't be able to spend time with my young adult cell again and i have to travel all the way from clementi to pasir ris. yeah i know i'm lazy. :) anyways, i was quite fed up and when i saw that girlfriend on msn last night, i asked her again, "hey so what are we getting for jason? are we really getting the fossil watch?" and she told me, "oh no. we're not getting him something so expensive already. he said he wants a pair of levis jeans also so we'll get him that instead. cheaper." and of course the model happens to be one of the latest so it'll cost abt $150? yup. cheaper. i was asking one of my sim friends what i should do about it and she told me that i had to stand up for myself and tell them that i'm only willing to fork out a certain amount. if they're feeling so rich they can fork out the rest. which is true. my jc girlfriends have always asked for expensive birthday gifts like crumpler, birkies etc. you get the drift. 1 of them is on scholarship at NYP from some hospital so her fees are paid and she still gets about $1000 a month for allowance from the hospital. another one gives tuition to like 3 kids so she earns about 1000 a month too. the last one works part time so she gets close to about 1000 a month too. me? i work once a week for shaun's mum so i wouldn't say that i get alot. of course they have loads of money and i don't.

so i prayed last night to ask God what i should do about it. and He gave me verses like Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..." and Psalms 128:2 "You will eat the fruit of your labour; blessings and prosperity will be yours." when i think back about the many times that God has blessed me with jobs out of the blue because i was running out of cash or even because i wanted to buy something badly, i'm reminded about how merciful our awesome God is and that He is full of grace. therefore how can i not share my wonderful blessings with others when God has so wonderfully and kindly blessed me? :)

2005-09-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired. was working today and i was very restless. because i always have problems waking up early, i have to do my morning devotions at the shop right after i open it. thankfully each friday morning i do that, no customer ever steps in until i'm done. God is great. :)

was reading the last few chapters of 1 Samuel this morning and i came across the the chapter where David defeats the Amalekites. it's said in the Book of Truth that David brought 600 men with him but only 400 men went to battle with him because the remaining 200 men were too tired to carry on. sounds like me. i'm physically so tired nowadays. guess i've got to cut down the "extra-curricular" activities i have after school (shopping, catching up with friends etc). anyways, though the 200 men didn't go to battle, David instructed that they share the plunder with the rest in equal portions. makes me wonder, i always hear people saying that you must "store up treasures in Heaven". will what we get next time be equivalent to others despite of what we do? all of us differ in our race on earth and some, like me, tend to get tired quite easily. will we get less than the rest who have better spiritual stamina?

i thank God that He answered my prayer about giving me a friend in my managerial econs class. in year 2, everyone has made buddies and though i have friends in my 3 other classes, no one wanted to take ME this year. i wonder why. anyways, i realised that this guy, Irwin, is my friend's good friend and he's also in 2 of my other classes. why bring attention to him, you say? he's a GENTLEMAN. hah.. how many guys can be described as that nowadays? in my jc days, the guys would leave the door to slam in your face. "why? you don't have hands to open the door yourself?" gentlemen, like my dearie, would find seats for the girls to sit first but my jc guy friends will find seats for themselves, plomp onto the chair and stare at you, waiting for you to find your own seat. huh.. gentlemen my ass. when my girlfriends and i went to the toilet during the break, Irwin got us tea and food laid out nicely on the table already. how many guys are that thoughtful? my ME class is in the afternoon on thursdays and Irwin went to chop seats earlier. typically, i was late so he sms-ed me where he was sitting and asked me to be careful because it's raining and to remember to bring a brolly. man, how many guys say that to girls who are not their girlfriends? and this guy is guileless so you know he has no ulterior motive.

if gentlemen are that hard to find nowadays, i wonder what about the chilvarous ones. hah.. wake up cheryl.

2005-09-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

1 Samuel 12:20-24
You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. For the sake of His great name the Lord will not reject His people, because the Lord was PLEASED to make you his own. As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you... But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you.

i was really really happy that shaun went for alpha yesterday! though there were a few hiccups here and there but generally he felt that it went ok. :) God hears and blesses! Love You Lord! *muack*

IN CHRIST ALONE
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

2005-09-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

MY HEART WILL TRUST

I'll walk closer now on the higher way
Through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

You mourn with me and You dance with me
For my heart of hearts is bound to You

Though I walk through valleys low
I'll fear no evil
By the waters still my soul
My heart will trust in You

You counsel me and You comfort me
When I cannot see You light my path
My heart will trust in You

feeling quite frustrated these few days because i don't understand a lot of things that have been happening. i don't feel capable of doing a lot of things and being a perfectionist, that's demoralizing. i hope that i'm chosen not because of relationships or that people are afraid to hurt me but that i was chosen because of the worth that God put in me and that it's God's will. i know i'm not good enough, and i'm inadequate, but Father, use this willing servant of Yours. i want a lot of things done but they don't turn out the way i want them to. it's times like this i have to remind myself that God's ways are higher than mine and His timing and plans for us are ALWAYS PERFECT. it's so tempting to just throw in the towel and say that i give up or that i can't be bothered anymore, but then i have to remember that i have to and i want to be a testimony for God. no way that's going to happen to me if i keep giving up halfway. what testimony can develop that way? how can i grow and mature if i keep hiding from discipline and teaching?

in Samuel, Eli's sons are described as evil and it hurt Eli to know that his sons turned out that way and though he advised them to change, they didn't because it was God's plan for them to die. and i guess i feel like Eli now, not liking what's happening but i know deep down that it's for my good.

2005-09-08T15:04:00.000+08:00

finally a day that i can stay at home at rest... not. i still have to celebrate a friend's birthday later. i've been working in shaun's mum's antique shop cos she's been away. who knew that antiques could be so interesting? haha. quite a bit of history to learn before i could start selling them. weird thing is, 90% of the customers are caucasians, which makes me wonder, why do chinese nowadays not bother so much about their history? or maybe they're just not interested in old stuff. haha.

i thank God that i managed to get the subjects i wanted for year 2 and i even got a great timetable. though it means that i have to go to school for 4 days instead of 3, at least the timings are near perfect and i don't have to go to school on saturdays like last year. and good riddance to soci!! haha!!

was reading 2 Kings 7-9 this morning. an officer, whom the king leans his arm on, doubted God when Elisha prophesised that the siege in Samaria would be lifted the next day. sure enough, the siege was lifted and that officer was trampled to death. makes me wonder how serious it is when we doubt God. whatever God says, happens. and when the people trusted God and believed in Him, they were blessed, just as He promised. why do people doubt God and disobey Him then? why did the people of Israel start to worship other gods when there is such an amazing and awesome God known to them that had blessed them? hmmm.. time to bug auntie christina. haha.

2005-09-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

Woohoo!!!!!!!!! God is great!!! :) i just received my results online and i actually passed all my subjects!!!!! haha well that's not the point right? i'm supposed to pass them all and try my best to score. but i give all thanks and glory to our Saviour because i wouldn't have passed without His grace. what can i say? i'm a typical slacker. yakking in class, not paying attention, doing the minimal homework and tests to scrape through, skipping classes here and there. (younger kids reading this blog; i'm not a good role model to follow when it comes to studying.) and i'm not proud of it. i remember panicking like mad a few weeks before the exam and trying to cram everything and hopefully become a genius when the exams come. yeah right. i remember joyce meyer saying, "God will lift you out of easy pits, but He won't lift you out of easy chairs." reuben morgan also said, "God can't help lazy people."

in fact, i had a nightmare a few nights before. i dreamt that i passed everything except sociology. soci is the bane of my life. i seriously don't understand why we have to study it. isn't psychology enough? it's actually an option in my course and i didn't want it. i wanted to choose maths 2 and stats 2 as my option because i hate writing essays. but my school's admin (screwed up as usual) told me that the maths and stats 2 classes were full and i could only take soci. i was complaining my head off and calling different admin staff round the whole school to make them change my elective for me. no way i wanted to chance taking an essay-based subject. but they just refused and i was stuck studying the subject. now the great thing was that my professor is one of the lousiest i've ever seen. she reads from her notes like we're illiterate, her explanations can make you smack your head on the table ("population growth is the growing of people") and she is uber boring. so typically of me, i practically threw the whole subject aside. i even went into the exam hall thinking i was going to fail since i couldn't be bothered to revise and pay attention in class. i've been praying fervently for my results these last few days, waiting for doomsday.

but how could i forget that our God is merciful and full of grace? from what i heard, loads of muggers failed soci, and i managed to pass. how awesome is our God! when i was panicking big time these few days, God spoke to me, "why are you afraid of your results? there's nothing you can do about it now. you can only learn from it and mature from it. I know what's best for you. Trust me, for I will always be with you." ah, our Father's just so amazing isn't He? i really hope that i'll learn from this lesson and i won't take it for granted that such miracles will happen all the time. i pray that i won't become like Solomon in his last days, fooling around with other women when God specifically said not to marry them because they would turn men away from Him and to other gods. but Solomon didn't heed the Lord's word and even when God spoke to him again, he turned a deaf ear. and because of that, his son was left with only one tribe instead of all of Israel.

2005-09-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but the song, Because You Love Me, sung by Celine Dion many years ago keeps playing in my head. then i realised that it is the kind of love song that I would love to sing to my darling Father in Heaven to thank Him and to praise Him for all the love He has given me and all the amazing things He has blessed me with and done for me. It's like what King Solomon said in 1 Kings 8:23, " O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like You in Heaven above or on earth below - You who keep Your covenant of love with Your servants who continue wholeheartedly in Your way."

BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME
For all those times You stood by me
For all the truth that You made me see
For all the joy You brought to my life
For all the wrong that You've made right
For every dream that You made come true
For all the love I've found in You
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best that was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith cos You believed
I'm everything I am
Because You love me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand, I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, You gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had Your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day You gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by You

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining Your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies You were the truth
My world is a better place because of You

I'm everything I am because You love me

1 Kings 8: 56 - 62 "Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel just as He promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises He gave through His servant Moses. May the Lord our God be with us as He was with our fathers; may He never leave us nor forsake us. May He turn our hearts to Him, to walk in all His ways and to keep the commands, decrees and regulations He gave to our fathers. And may these words of mine, which I have prayed before the Lord, be near to the Lord our God day and night, that He may uphold the cause of His servant and the cause of His people Israel according to each day's need, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God and that there is no other. But your hearts must be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by His decrees and obey His commands, as at this time."

2005-08-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

RAIN DOWN

by Delirious

Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change
Beneath the feet the earth is ready
I know it's time for Heaven's rain
It's gonna rain

Cause living water we desire
To flood our hearts with holy fire

Rain down, all around the world we're singing
Rain down, can you hear the earth is singing
Rain down, my heart is dry but still i'm singing
Rain down, rain it down on me

Back to the start, my heart is heavy
Feels like it's time to dream again
I see the clouds and yes i'm ready
To dance upon this barren land
Hope in my hands

Do not shut, do not shut, do not shut the Heavens
But open up, open up, open up our hearts

Give me strength to cross this water
Keep my feet upon Your altar, rain down
Give me strength to cross this water
Keep my feet, don't let me falter, rain down

it's so tough reading the book of Ecclesiastes (and i thought Proverbs was a challenge) because the title of the first chapter says "everything is meaningless". it's like what? why is there such a book in God's Word? it goes on to say "wisdom is meaningless, pleasures are meaningless, toil is meaningless..." and down to oppression, toil, friendlessness and that advancement is meaningless! it's like the total opposite of Proverbs where wisdom is described as one of the most important traits to have and here in Ecclesiastes it says that it's meaningless?! maybe i'll understand more as i continue to read that book because i'm only at chapter 6. it's depressing reading this book. eurgh.

i went for the consecration night in the west zone yesterday and we were praying for people to come for the alpha course. i was thinking how i can ask my non-Christians to come for it but it's difficult because it's for 10 weeks and religion's always a touchy subject. *sigh* but as i prayed with the rest i realised that if i don't ask anyone at all, all i will get is a 100% no. but if i were to just open my mouth to ask, there's a 50-50 chance that they might say yes. (so.. heh heh.. watch out friends!) and while we were worshipping God with songs of praise and worship i suddenly had a flashback of Cece Winans saying, "I am a woman who will continue worshipping God even if there's no one else to worship Him with me." ah, i pray that i'll be like that always and that my brothers and sisters around me can say the same too. :)

2005-08-25T00:28:00.000+08:00

man.. i just came back from giving tuition and i'm about to tear my hair out. it's not the first time i'm giving tuition to a huge class of 10 people but it might as well have been. i have no idea how to control them. the sec 4 e maths class was a dream, just that it dragged on long past the time it was supposed to end. we're supposed to finish at 9.30pm but i left the tuition centre at nearly 11! well can't blame them, they're so anxious about their prelims and they had tons of questions to ask.

the sec 2 science class was a total different matter. i just want to smack those idiotic b***** kids upside down man! i'm still boiling mad. (Lord, i thank You so much that You have the foresight not to put me in NIE. i would die having to teach these kids for the rest of my life.) these kids never know when to shut up! and they have the audacity to criticise me to my face. "teacher! i don't understand your explanation! you can't explain well!" like yeah, i wonder why, because you're not even paying attention. you're busy cramming food into your mouth and fooling around with the other boys. i can repeat an explanation in many different ways and they still can't get it. they can't even repeat in their own words what i just said because they're simply not paying attention. how on earth are they to understand then? and how many ways do they want me to explain what photosynthesis is? i only know it theoretically, so i can only explain to them in so many ways. if the girls and other boys can understand, i don't understand why those 4 monkeys can't. and i still have to teach them maths on saturday and i have a really long day on saturday. i've got to teach from 10am to 7pm (madness right?) and that's a total of 6 classes with no breaks in between and the classes are even bigger, up to about 15 kids in a class. unfortunately for them, theirs is the second last class for the day. they better pray hard that i won't be temperamental by then. Oh Lord! give me strength!

*sigh* even though i've finished reading Proverbs, it's so hard to keep in mind the commandments given in the book. in Proverbs 29:11 says, "a fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." and i have to keep reminding myself of this verse even as i give tuition because i don't want to be a fool. after reading this book, i realise the importance of wisdom. (Proverbs 2-4) so as the Lord continues to test my patience, i've got to learn how to control my temper. tomorrow's another 4 and a half hours of teaching sec 3, sec 4 and jc maths. hopefully it'll be easier on me. *sigh*

2005-08-22T13:42:00.000+08:00

photos from our cell's crazy outing at sentosa on saturday!

i'm finally well again. it sucks to be sick for so long cos i can't smell or taste anything much. actually God spoke to me last, last sunday during the worship service and He said, "be wary, My dear. the enemy's eye is upon you and you've got to gird your sword and armor. be strong during the battle for I will be with you always." i was really scared cos i'm so not ready to fight any battle yet since i haven't finished reading the Word of God and i don't think that i've got unshakable faith yet. i dreaded the coming week and i was waiting for some huge quarrel with my parents or with my friends or that on sunday my playing would be like that horrible time i crashed or something horrifying to happen.

i fell sick on monday and on wednesday i realised that my battle was my sickness. i don't remember being sick for this long, unless you count having chicken pox, and everyday i can't do more that wake up and eat and fall back asleep cos my medicine was making me really drowsy. it was such a trial because i could barely start reading Proverbs, not to mention read the pile of books by godly people that i'm taking really long to go through. so i think the devil's plan was to stop me from reading my Bible and any other material that will strengthen my faith and to keep me from praying and listening to God. i was really terrible the first 2 days, i didn't even force myself to stay awake long enough to finish half a proverb before going back to sleep again. but on the 3rd morning, God was practically yelling in my ear to keep me awake, "cheryl!! are you going to let the devil draw you away from Me any longer? whatever happened to holding your ground? you're not even trying to fight!!" man, i'm glad it's all over now.

i've been wanting something for a while and i've been praying for it to happen. but on saturday, God told me that He has something else in store for me. the stubborn me was going "no! i don't want this! i want something else! it suits me much more!" i was quarrelling with God all the way home. but when i went home, the very first verse i had to read for the day was Proverbs 16:1 "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." and as i read along, verse 9 said "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." and even yesterday when i did my quiet time, Proverbs 19: 20, 21 says "Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." haha. God's proving it to me that His ways are better than mine. and of course, that's true. obedience is better than sacrifice. :)

Proverbs 21:30 There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.

2005-08-18T20:37:00.000+08:00

love the new look of my blog? decided that the look was getting a little boring so i decided to change things up a bit. shaun put it up for me cos i'm such a com idiot. haha.

went for worship practice in church yesterday and i noticed that i was the only lady there! hmm.. didn't realise that our music team is dominated by the guys. girls! time to rise up! :)

i finished reading the book of Psalms on saturday and i've decided to start on the book of Proverbs. it's tough to read this book because it's like a book of rules and commandments. i read this on tuesday; Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." and it just ties in with what i read in bobbie houston's book. God calls for us to be women of strong resolve. one thing that bobbie said in her book is about the importance of holding our ground. we have to hold our ground during battles, but we also have to learn how to hold our ground when there's no actual war in sight. ground can be relinquished easily, especially on days where the most exciting thing that we did is to get our daily mail. "sometimes (we) forget who we are because we aren't wearing our Sunday best." and this can happen to us when we have no discipline. "discipline simply means to be trained. such a woman realises that first and foremost the Word of God will effectively train her. she also realises that life's experiences can train her and she also understands the importance of godly friends, who will steer her in the right direction. if you don't have godly friends, pray them in, and then never forget to be one yourself." so don't think that you can lay off the Word of God for a day. you'll be losing one day's worth of training and disciplining.

i read again, today, about discipline in Proverbs 10:17 "he who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray." you don't just neglect yourself when you don't heed discipline, but you also LEAD OTHERS ASTRAY. serious business, ain't it? so make sure you check yourself before doing anything next time. i've got to remind myself too. it's so easy to shrug off people's criticism but if you don't heed the wise ones, you'll never mature. if you desire to succeed in life, it is pointless to try and avoid discipline. discipline comes with the territory and it's worth noting that undisciplined soldiers often perish, undisciplined athletes usually lose and undisciplined farmers usually miss the harvest.

2005-08-17T13:17:00.000+08:00

ah... i've been sick ever since monday morning. it sucks to have a terrible flu especially in this hot weather. :( can't even read my books cos my medicine's making me drowsy and nothing's registering even when i try to read.

was reading the newspapers this morning and guess what was in the straits times?!!!!!! apparently the australian government wants 20,000 people to migrate there in order to fill up their job vacancies. *wriggles eyebrows* buddy!!!!! you reading this? might be a sign from God!!!!! *grins* and one of the jobs that they really need people is accounting!!!!! like woah..

my tuition teacher just confirmed with me last night that i'll have to relieve him for tuition next week. and it's just in time cos i'm running out of money!! gotta do something about the way i spend. anyways, God is great! i didn't even ask for money but He blessed me with it. :) isn't He awesome? and it's not the first time. even before i left for Sydney i was trying to find some job that'll need me for a few days so that i could earn some extra cash before going to Australia. i was racking my brains cos which job will take you for a few days only? but God gave me this wonderful tuition teacher who coached me all the way from secondary school to jc and is now helping me financially unknowingly. our God is amazing!!!

something that struck me while i was doing my morning devotion just now:
Romans 12: 1-8
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone of you: do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given to you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

2005-08-15T11:37:00.000+08:00

on my way home yesterday, i was listening to my mp3 player as usual and the song "I'll Stand By You" by Girls Aloud was playing. it's a secular song but somehow i can imagine God singing the song to his darling children.

I'LL STAND BY YOU
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cos i've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm alot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
Don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cos even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

2005-08-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

went to the carnival at marina yesterday with my dearie. it's not as nice as they make it to be in the adverts or on the website. i was especially excited to go to the area which they labelled "local brands village", expecting local designer clothes or something and guess what brands they had there? NTUC fairprice, yeo's drinks, singtel etc. like what? and it was a really small area. man, it was like a waste of time going there. people, if you ever think of going there and if i'm not wrong tmr's the last day, don't eat the food there. it's overcooked and kinda tasteless.

just came back from a wonderful cell meeting. it's great to see God working in these darling people's lives. you just can't help but be encouraged to do more things for God and His people. :) i worship led for the first time and i never realised how nerve wrecking it could be to lead the people to worship. personally i think i flopped big time but where i am weak, He is strong. Amen! God needs your heart more than anything else when you worship Him.

one thing that i was sharing with my brothers and sisters today was about The Chronicles of Narnia, a book by C.S. Lewis. in the first book of the story, this boy, Diggory, has a wacko uncle who made rings that could transport you to another world and he tried it out on Diggory and his friend. when they got transported to the other world (Narnia) it was totally pitch dark with nothing around. then they saw this lion walking around, singing. wherever the lion went and sang, flowers and trees and plants started shooting up. as it continued to walk and sing, animals started coming out of the ground. the lion later chose 2 of every animal to lead their kind. it somehow reminded me of God in Genesis when He created the world. These creatures would talk and the children could understand them but somehow the uncle, who is supposedly a wizard, couldn't. in fact, he panicked when he saw the animals and thought they were going to attack him because all he heard was roaring and trumpeting and growling instead of voices speaking. the children later questioned the lion why the man couldn't hear it speak and it said that the man had turned a deaf ear towards it and refused to listen to the voices around him and to comprehend them. the man therefore will not be able to hear anything other than all the roaring and trumpeting and growling. and it just reminded me about us and God. if we turn a deaf ear towards God, will we be like the man, unable to recognise God's voice? unable to understand or hear what God is trying to tell us? are we forever lost to God like the man was to the lion, who was the creator and king of that world, if we turn a deaf ear to Him and refuse to acknowledge Him for who He is?

2005-08-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

Psalms 139: 13-16
For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.

haha. really sorry about my previous post. i did say that i'll TRY to cut down. guess it didn't work. *grins* anyways, i just got off the phone with my would-be guitar teacher! haha. i haven't even had my first lesson and i kinda pissed him off already. haha. he asked me if i had a guitarist i'd particularly like to follow and i said nigel hendroff again and he said he can roughly teach me but he doesn't really know his style. then he asked me if i like any bands that i want to play like and i went "like what? simple plan?" and he said that he was offended. hmmm. are they really that bad? thought their electric guitar's quite ok though i'm not a big fan of theirs. haha. then i asked him what kind of bands he was talking about and he said the beatles and some pink floss band (??!!!!!). and i continued to offend him (the horror!). he said that i have to buy a kappo and i went "oh! the kapok ah!!" and he said no, that's a bad way of saying it. i'm supposed to pronounce it as "cap-po". hmmm. i always hear my fellow musicians in church say "kapok". haha looks like i have to unlearn a few things.

went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory with my dearie yesterday. i felt so cheated. we watched the show at great world and before we went into the cinema they had this poster outside saying the when we watch the show we'll be able to smell the aroma of chocolate in the cinema. needless to say, there was no aroma in the cinema except from the huge tub of popcorn of that a little boy was hugging 2 seats away. (actually, he looked a li'l like the augustus gloop boy. augustus gloop, augustus gloop, he's such a big fat nincompoop... oops!) it was a so-so show. don't watch it unless you've got the extra cash.

2005-08-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

hmmm. i'm basically a talkative person so i tend to have a lot of things to say even when i blog. hee. don't mind me. :) but a lot of people have been telling me that my entries are too long so yup, i'll try to cut down as much as i can to avoid people getting bored by me. haha.

well, i've always appreciated the wonderful people around me but not as much as i have recently. i really thank God for blessing me with such amazing friends that accept me for who i am and encourage me constantly when i feel down. being a pessimist, i feel down like 90% of the time. which sucks. but God blessed me with 3 friends who have stuck by me all the time, hearing me whine and complain about anything and everything (don't you just pity them?). ah, how awesome is our God. :) He sends us darling people to support us lest we feel alone or helpless.

i remember one of the lecturers from my school saying something about people very clearly. he teaches the students studying for a master degree in one of the top 5 universities in the world and he said this, "network, network, network. without connections or people, a degree is worth nothing." like wow. isn't that in accordance with the Bible? God's passion has always been about the people and about people being unified. Psalms 133:1 "how good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!"

i've been wanting to learn how to play the guitar for a very long time. it's a passion that went dead for a while because i was really busy and it got revived again when i came back from sydney. (i know i talk about the trip a lot but it's a huge turning point in my life. i think i'll be talking about it even on my death bed. haha.) i've been checking out the prices of guitar classes online and the ones at Yamaha cost $47.25 a month! it's like i don't that kind of money lying around! i got really disappointed and started to think of ways to save up the money for the classes. but our God knows everything, Amen! He blessed me 2 weeks back when a friend whom i haven't been in contact with for some time just sms-ed me out of the blue and said, "hey cheryl. i've got a friend who gives guitar classes to students. i'm thinking of asking him to teach me, wanna join me? he said that he doesn't mind teaching you and the lessons will be FOC." i was like "WHAT??????!!!!!!!!! you gotta be kidding me!!!!!!!" isn't our God so, so, so, so awesome? He anticipated my needs even without me asking Him! Praise the Lord! i just bumped into the guy just now and he's a Christian too! he asked me what i wanted to learn during the guitar lessons and how far i wanted to go. my first reaction was "nigel hendroff or better!!" haha! it's going to take a long while man. :)

2005-08-09T17:16:00.000+08:00

i was reading Psalms 126 to 130 this morning and Psalms 126: 1,2 says "When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy." and that's how i feel ever since i came back from sydney. it's like i've been set free from all the wearies of the world. all that matters is God and God alone and i can't stop praising Him. :)

it's so hard to remain happy all the time, however. problems try to bring you down and a lot of times i wonder if that's a challenge for me or if it's the enemy trying to bring me down. it's so hard to differentiate between the two sometimes. but if it's the latter, i'm really glad because it means that i'm doing things that God wants me to do correctly till the devil has to bring me down. :) it's at times like this when i'm starting to feel low that i've got to learn to live a lifestyle of resistance. i've got to learn how to smile and drive the old devil crazy so that he will flee (James 4:7). a spirit of thankfulness and a spirit of gladness do wonders for the human heart. when you're starting to feel disheartened, smile and think of all the awesome things that God has done for you and give thanks to Him.

as i continue to read Bobbie Houston's book, it's amazing to see what God has done in her life. she encourages women that we have to be women of strong conviction. we have to discover our purpose and understand whatever it is, it is all worthy. "And there is no one as worthy as you to fill that position. No one can be mum to your child quite like you can. No one can stand beside and complete your husband like you. No one in the Body of Christ can fill your individually designed position as perfectly as you. And when you understand the power of this, you feel complete in yourself and find yourself complementing the Big Picture as well." a woman of strong conviction will pursue an understanding of this truth and once she understands and recognises it, she will not allow anything to steal her passion. so whatever you find yourself involved in, believe with every fibre of your being that God has called you to a most excellent, most exciting and most worthy cause!

2005-08-08T14:36:00.000+08:00

PSALMS 122:1 "I rejoiced with those who said to me, 'let us go to the house of the Lord.' "

i definitely rejoiced with the wonderful people that i went to the FOP with. it's so great to see so many people so passionate for God. Rev Colin Dye is one great preacher (though sharon says that he looks and moves like a magician) and his messages about apostolic faith were packed with power. he asked "what revelation of Christ do you carry?" and that set me thinking... and thinking.. and i'm still praying about it. haha. but i hope the main revelation of Christ that i carry is His passion for God and His people. His kingdom is really all about the people; people being saved, people serving, people growing to love Him more and more each day, people trusting in Him etc.

when i was reading my Bible this morning, i was attracted to this sheet of paper stuck in the book of Matthew. it's been there for a really long time but i never really took notice of it somehow. it was one of the lessons i learnt when i was still in my youth cell and it's about motivation. Matthew 14: 13, 14 talks about God's motivation and that is compassion for the people. everything that God does, He does it for His people. something i'm still learning is to have a heart for God's people. it's always tough working with people because all of us are so different. some are really nice and sweet, gentle and understanding. some, you just wanna strangle them and hope and pray that they fall off from the face of this earth. but ephesians 6: 12 says "for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." so practise in front of the mirror smiling while thinking about someone that annoys you a lot so that when you'll be nicer to the person when you see him or her next. you can tear your hair out in the safety of your room but don't blame me when you've got holes in your hair.

2005-08-06T12:01:00.000+08:00

PSALMS 23
The Lord is my sheperd, i shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You annoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

FOP was not bad yesterday. Hillsong was good and even though i've never heard Delirious in my entire life before, they're pretty cool. heh. but what made the difference was the people i was with and that we were worshipping in Spirit and in Truth. Praise the Lord!!! :)

even though i woke up late again, God has already blessed me with His Word and i'm so in awe of what He has given me. i'm trying to read 5 psalms everyday cos it's a must to read the Bible everyday and that's when i get refreshed by God. :) i thought psalms would be a great book in the Bible to read especially when you're trying to write songs. it's always great if the lyrics of the song are from the Bible so that the congregation will be singing the Truth. can you imagine me writing a song that describes the wonderful visions that God blessed me with and making the whole congregation sing it with me? my goodness. i'll be making them a bunch of liars! haha! so what better way than to start with a book that praises God so beautifully?

i read psalms 111 to 115 just now and so many verses jumped out at me. psalms 111:10 says "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding. To Him belongs eternal praise." what really struck me was that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom". i never knew that. somehow i always put them under separate categories like wisdom was linked to knowledge from God so as to do His will and to lead His people and fearing the Lord was always well, fearing God. we learn something new everyday. :)

something i've been praying for is unshakable faith in God and psalms 112:6,7 says "Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." and it's like "hey! God hears me!" haha. but the amazing thing is that this verse was written centuries ago. awesome ain't it? :) i'm going to meditate on this verse big time man.

Psalms 115:1 "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to Your name be the glory, because of Your love and faithfulness." and that should always be the way right? all our gifts are God-given, therefore we should give Him the praise and glory due to our Lord and Saviour. ask the Lord to reign in your creative drive because we're called to be radical worshippers. when i was reading darlene zschech's extravagant worship she said in one chapter that creative people often feel the need for attention and that's so true. i've shared with the beautiful people in the young adult cell that i'm in, about the time i crashed in the middle of a worship session. everything just blanked out and i just didn't know what to play next. i was panicking big time cos this had never happened to me ever since i started serving in the music ministry which was about 6 years ago. it was a huge lesson to learn about humility. God had to bring me down from the pedestal that said "i'm good because i'm good" and not because of His grace and blessings. false humility, which is a form of pride says, "love me because i'm gifted!" but true humility says "let me use my gift to show you how loved you are in Christ". and that's the way we should treat our talents, blessing His people in turn because He has blessed us with wondrous gifts. we were put on this earth to serve God and His people, not to be served!!

i admit that a few weeks right before i went for the Hillsong conference i wasn't really playing in the Spirit ever since i crashed during that worship session and it was so obvious to me, and i don't know how many of you, that i was playing using my talent and not in the Spirit and using my talent to praise God. i became stagnant in my playing and even my dad who sings out of tune and is not very musically inclined told me, "the new style that you're playing on the piano sounds horrible. it's really horrible." might be harsh for my dad to tell me that but i appreciate honest criticism cos it makes me a better person after learning from it and of course my playing will improve (hopefully) in the following weeks. but when my dad told me that i was thinking, "what new style? i didn't change the way i've been playing." and that really struck me that i'm not GROWING! and the reason why i was playing in church was so wrong! no wonder i kept getting "dry" when i served God and i got tired and impatient easily. but i'm so different now. the conference somehow cleansed me. God puts us through the fire but the furnace is a refining fire, a purifying fire, as Bobbie Houston describes. it gets rid of the nonsense, the garbage, the facade and whatever that prevents Christians from reaching their fullest potential. tough lesson that i learnt, but i wouldn't exchange it for anything. God always knows what's best for us, and always does what's best for us and His timing is always PERFECT. AMEN? our God is an awesome God and He reigns from Heaven above with wisdom and power and love. Praise You Lord!!!

2005-08-04T11:43:00.000+08:00

just finished my morning devotion and read a li'l of bobbie houston's book again. :) my mum keeps nagging that i should go find a job since i still have abt one and a half months before school starts but i love it that i have so much free time because i can go catch up with friends and learn new things and mainly, to spend more time with God especially after the visions He gave me during the conference.

when i was reading bobbie houston's book, one part of it really struck me was when she emphasized on faith. Hebrews 11 is a wonderful chapter in the Bible that shows us that all the great men of God did things in a step of faith. though our Father gave them promises, some of these people never actually saw these promises happen, but yet they followed God and His Word in steps of faith. they were inadequate and they were hesitant, but they trusted and obeyed the Lord. when i read it, it was like "wow! these people don't even know where they're going or what they have to do but yet they were willing to obey God." shows us how much they loved our Almighty God right? and i guess that's what we have to do. though the future roads may seem bleak and scary, we just have to trust God because His Word tells us that He will lead us by our right hand to do His Will. as joyce meyer said "even if you're afraid of doing what God wants you to do, then do it afraid!" that in itself, is a great step of faith.

sometimes i ask myself, how do i grow in faith? and i have learnt that the answer comes from Romans 10:17 which says "faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God." our Father desires us to have the same conviction as Moses and the men and women in Hebrews 11 - a company of people who chose to grow in faith. something i hope i'm achieving - unshakable faith in Christ. one thing i dreaded during the conference was that it will have an end to it and that when i come back to singapore, everything will be back to normal. but after experiencing such great things there, i didn't want to come back and let things be normal anymore. i prayed really hard on the way back to singapore on the plane (i think i looked like a pig who was sleeping throughout the 7-hour journey) that i wouldn't lose faith in God and that i'll be as passionate and crazy abt Him like i was in sydney. i didn't want it to "just" be an experience. and i really am amazed that God is so faithful to me that He has given me this neverending thirst for Him that i'm still the same passionate and energetic bunny (you know the ad for the duracell bunny? just that i'm many more times bouncy and i'll last much, much, much longer) for Him as i was in sydney, trying to do His Will each and everyday. yeah!!!!! :)

another thing i learnt during the conference is to be accountable to others, so that you may maintain a good relationship with God. sharon's my buddy and she's been helping to push me to understand God better and to serve Him with all my heart. if there's one thing i've learnt from all this, is that i always have to bring excellence to God. 2 Samuel tells us to give our finest. never short-change God. so i encourage you to find a buddy that will push you as hard as sharon or auntie christina (my mentor) pushes me and you'll find yourself maturing mentally and spiritually a whole lot more. sometimes i really pity them that they have to deal with a person like me who keeps asking questions like "why?" or "when?" or "how?" (what can i say? i'm an inquisitive person. haha.) but i thank God that He has blessed me with such wonderfully patient (*ahem*) and understanding (*ahem*) people around me. in turn i try to inspire others and to give them something to follow so that all of us may grow together. all of us have different races to run but God doesn't just want us to run our race well, He also wants us to bring as many people as we can along with us to the finishing line. we live in exciting times, don't miss a moment of it. :)

2005-08-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

oh yes, i've joined the blogging mania. weird thing is, i've always disliked blogging. i've always thought that when you have a diary, that's where you can write all that you wanna say without having people to criticise you or laugh at you. i mean a diary's supposed to be stashed away in a safe place where no one can ever read your deepest, darkest secrets right? but God proved me wrong. i love it when He proves me wrong because it reminds me that i should depend on Him and not myself or anyone else. i've learnt that blogs can spread things around and i thought "hey! that's a great way to let people know what's happening to me and how much God's been blessing me and hopefully, learn something from what i've learnt." i've been reading bobbie houston's "i'll have what she's having" and she says in one page that readers are the most blessed because they don't have to go through hell and back like the writer had to, to learn a lesson.

i've titled this blog "Reaching for You" because we need to put Jesus in mind in whatever we do and our main aim is to fulfil God's will in us, isn't it? and the song "reaching for You" has always been an inspiration to me and it's a song that describes how i feel abt God.

REACHING FOR YOU
I can't believe the way your love has got a hold on me
Each morning I wake to find You near
You lift me above my fears and set my feet on solid ground
All of my days belong to You

And I breathe in Your breath of life that fills my heart
You are my all consuming fire

I stand here before You in wide open wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of Heaven revealing Your purpose in me
As I'm reaching for You

sometimes i really wonder how people manage to write such songs that just make you wanna cry and i guess that's the difference between a song that's annointed by God and one that's not. before i went for the Hillsong conference i could never write a full song somehow. it's always either the lyrics are missing or the melody's missing. sometimes even though with either components of the song, it just seems so off somehow. and there i was thinking that i didn't have it in me to write a song. but 2 weeks ago, God blessed me and He came at a time when i didn't expect it: when i was so, so tired i would just fall into deep sleep when my head touched the pillow. "cheryl, wake up! i've got something to tell you." and this lazy bum just went "now? can't You come back tomorrow? i'm dead tired and i wanna sleep." God pestered and pestered me and i was wondering what was so important that He couldn't leave it till the next day. so there i was, half asleep at 2am in the morning, poised with a pen and paper cos God said to get them. next thing i knew, a whole barrage of words filled my head and i started to write them down. "i'm done. happy now? i'm going back to sleep." and just when i was abt to conk out again, there was this melody in my head and it just wouldn't stop playing. like ok, what now? so i got up again and looked at the words i just wrote. it fitted the melody PERFECTLY. i was like "wow!!" and couldn't go back to sleep for a while cos i was busy recording the tune and putting some touches to the song. i was just so in awe of God that He was willing to use me even at a time that i wasn't willing to be used and He just blessed me so much even though i was disobedient. what wonders i can do through Him when i'm willing and obedient? He's so forgiving and full of love. so people, remain faithful and obedient to God and He will bless you beyond your imagination. Psalms 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." AMEN!!!

i guess i've changed quite a bit ever since i came back from sydney. ah, that blessed, amazing trip that has helped me sit up and notice things around me and made me mature so much. how i wish i'm back in sydney! (anybody psyched up to go for next year's conference?) we were having such a great time there that we were tempted to tear up our tickets so that we didn't have to come back! haha. i learnt so much from this one experience; teamwork, attitude, leadership, musician-ship, song-writing, worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth, transitions and the importance of "new" in the church. and there's still so much more! when i was there one thing that struck me the most was the passion that the people had for God. it was astounding. they're always, ALWAYS singing and praising the Lord and they also have a passion for His people.

praising and worshipping God comes naturally now after seeing how blessed i am by God esp recently, it's like what on earth was i doing last time? some friends have commented that they've never seen me so radiant and so energetic. but that's because i'm charged up for God!!!! i remember one thing that Reinhard Bonke said. he said "don't go from place to place trying to seek for new annointings. whatever happened to the old ones?" and that's so true. i guess the reason why i'm so charged up now is because i know now what i am here to do and loving God and reading His Word each and everyday has brought new revelations to me that keeps me refreshed in the Spirit, not because i've got new annointings. Jeremiah 29:11 says " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " isn't that amazing? His Word is the Truth and from it we can glean the fact that He is holding our hand as He leads us to the Promised Land and should we fall, He will be there to pick us up. how awesome is our God. :)