Reaching For You.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

one year.
it's been a year since my life changed.
this night, last year.
how joyful, how different i've been since then.
ah that day when i was mocking when cece winans went up the stage to sing an uber long song of God's glory and love.
and there i was sitting in my seat thinking to myself what can i learn from a woman who just stands there and sings other than she sings better than whitney?
like bring on jack hayford or john maxwell or brian houston who can wow the crowd with words of wisdom and weight.

15 mins into the song and i started crying like i've never cried before.
i hate weaknesses so i don't cry often.
all the previous church camps which i had a feeling and started to cry could not compare to this.
there i was, crying not because i was happy or overwrought or upset.
just crying for i-don't-know-what reason.
and i just couldn't stop.
i wasn't sobbing. just had tears rolling down with my normal face on.
talk abt cry me a river man.
i looked at auntie chris like, "MAKE IT STOP!"
and she smiled at me and said, "you're being touched by God. let Him do the work in you."
and i never worshipped God the same way i used to since then, just singing for the sake of singing. not meaning whatever i sang. not really sure if there was really a God.
it's so different hearing testimonies about God then finally experiencing the Almighty Himself.

halfway through the tears with my head bowed cos i thought i was making a fool out of myself, God said, "it doesn't matter what you've been. all that matters is that you're back with Me now. BE MY MARY."
i never heard God so clearly in my whole life.
it sounded like it came from the huge amp beside the piano when i play.

like hmmm, be His mary huh.
so i thought i'll just sit at His feet and listen like mary did in the Bible right?
except that it didn't really work out after a while.
yeah i still read my Bible daily, i still do my quiet time everyday since that night.
but i still keep getting distracted by many of the worldly stuff.
a few months ago, david sanborn came to our church to speak and he prayed for me and what he said was "God wants you to be His mary."
right.
a few weeks later zec made us read a Bible verse each from the passages he chose.
mine was from mary and martha.
again.
when i went for the silent retreat with the worship team i just had this tug that i really needed a prayer partner.
for what reason, i didn't really know either.
so i prayed for many weeks for a partner and a few people came to mind but i didn't know who to approach.
i got quite irritated after a few weeks and prayed that whoever mentions to me that i've been on her mind for a while, will be my prayer partner.
last sunday while waiting for cheryl's run to start, auntie erika told me that i've been on her mind since before church camp.
like o... k...
God answered my prayers!
yup so we're still settling stuff abt it.

many people to give thanks to:

God: thank You Father for still loving me and bringing me back to You even though i was so far away. i never thought i'd experience You. thank You for having mercy on me and blessing me beyond my wildest dreams. You promised me 2 things like You made a covenant with Abraham and i will claim it when i'm ready. :) You are everything i need and more. i will learn to be the mary You want me to be eventually and to love You with all my heart, soul and mind.

Auntie Chris: thank you for helping me so much this past year especially, being patient with someone who's practically like a born-again Christian and being such a great mentor. i've learnt so much from you and i look forward to learning even more from a princess of God.

Buddy: thank you for supporting me when i was low. thank you for being there when i needed a friend. thank you for blessing me with God's word and turning me to God when i needed to. i'll make sure that your party turns out great, to show how much i appreciate you. :)

Zec: thanks for the many encouragements to better myself and to serve Him with all i have and all that i am. thank you for praying for me many many years ago to be the servant i am today. still have loads to learn. :) thanks for being such a great brother that i never had.

Pastor Kenny: thank you for giving me the chance to go for the conference. thank you for believing in me, for choosing me to go to sydney. if you didn't choose me i guess i might have never changed to be the person i am today.

Auntie Erika: thanks for agreeing to be my prayer partner. i look forward to many fulfulling and enlightening moments with God and you. :)

Dearie: thank you for still loving me after all these years. you have been a light for me through the dark years. i guess it was quite a huge shock you had when i left for sydney as one person and came back nearly a totally different person. haha. but you still love me anyway and i still love you. :)

Left@| 3:11 PM

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