Reaching For You.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

i just came home from school and i was stoning in the bus in my way home, the guy who sat in front of me was holding up sin ming, the chinese newspaper. the typically kpo me decided to take a peep to see what was written in that paper and guess what i saw? apparently a minister from hong kong said, "hongkongners are not people. we are gods." i am seriously outraged by that but i shan't say anything lest i get charged in court for cursing people or some other reason. but really, if those guys are gods, why has their economy been so lousy? today's straits times said that hk's economy has slumped from 21st position last year to 28th this year and singapore's a far up 6th position. hah. gods my ass. if they're gods then what are we?

i was kinda frustrated yesterday because a friend of mine is having a birthday bash this weekend but i'm not close to this guy friend of mine. he's more of a jc friend's friend. we joke and we talk but i would say that i talk to him more than 3, 4 times a year? so i sms-ed one of my jc girlfriends, who is close to me and is close to him, about what we should buy for him cos there's not much time left and she told me that he wants a fossil watch. like what?!! only 4 of us are sharing and he wants a $200 plus watch? might sound stingy but hey, my dad's not bill gates. honestly, if it's a close friend of mine, i'll willingly spend it on him or her. but i don't exactly know him well and he's never given me anything and he's never done anything nice to me or for me before. and of course i was moody over the fact that i won't be able to spend time with my young adult cell again and i have to travel all the way from clementi to pasir ris. yeah i know i'm lazy. :) anyways, i was quite fed up and when i saw that girlfriend on msn last night, i asked her again, "hey so what are we getting for jason? are we really getting the fossil watch?" and she told me, "oh no. we're not getting him something so expensive already. he said he wants a pair of levis jeans also so we'll get him that instead. cheaper." and of course the model happens to be one of the latest so it'll cost abt $150? yup. cheaper. i was asking one of my sim friends what i should do about it and she told me that i had to stand up for myself and tell them that i'm only willing to fork out a certain amount. if they're feeling so rich they can fork out the rest. which is true. my jc girlfriends have always asked for expensive birthday gifts like crumpler, birkies etc. you get the drift. 1 of them is on scholarship at NYP from some hospital so her fees are paid and she still gets about $1000 a month for allowance from the hospital. another one gives tuition to like 3 kids so she earns about 1000 a month too. the last one works part time so she gets close to about 1000 a month too. me? i work once a week for shaun's mum so i wouldn't say that i get alot. of course they have loads of money and i don't.

so i prayed last night to ask God what i should do about it. and He gave me verses like Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..." and Psalms 128:2 "You will eat the fruit of your labour; blessings and prosperity will be yours." when i think back about the many times that God has blessed me with jobs out of the blue because i was running out of cash or even because i wanted to buy something badly, i'm reminded about how merciful our awesome God is and that He is full of grace. therefore how can i not share my wonderful blessings with others when God has so wonderfully and kindly blessed me? :)

Left@| 9:01 PM

Friday, September 23, 2005

i'm so tired. was working today and i was very restless. because i always have problems waking up early, i have to do my morning devotions at the shop right after i open it. thankfully each friday morning i do that, no customer ever steps in until i'm done. God is great. :)

was reading the last few chapters of 1 Samuel this morning and i came across the the chapter where David defeats the Amalekites. it's said in the Book of Truth that David brought 600 men with him but only 400 men went to battle with him because the remaining 200 men were too tired to carry on. sounds like me. i'm physically so tired nowadays. guess i've got to cut down the "extra-curricular" activities i have after school (shopping, catching up with friends etc). anyways, though the 200 men didn't go to battle, David instructed that they share the plunder with the rest in equal portions. makes me wonder, i always hear people saying that you must "store up treasures in Heaven". will what we get next time be equivalent to others despite of what we do? all of us differ in our race on earth and some, like me, tend to get tired quite easily. will we get less than the rest who have better spiritual stamina?

i thank God that He answered my prayer about giving me a friend in my managerial econs class. in year 2, everyone has made buddies and though i have friends in my 3 other classes, no one wanted to take ME this year. i wonder why. anyways, i realised that this guy, Irwin, is my friend's good friend and he's also in 2 of my other classes. why bring attention to him, you say? he's a GENTLEMAN. hah.. how many guys can be described as that nowadays? in my jc days, the guys would leave the door to slam in your face. "why? you don't have hands to open the door yourself?" gentlemen, like my dearie, would find seats for the girls to sit first but my jc guy friends will find seats for themselves, plomp onto the chair and stare at you, waiting for you to find your own seat. huh.. gentlemen my ass. when my girlfriends and i went to the toilet during the break, Irwin got us tea and food laid out nicely on the table already. how many guys are that thoughtful? my ME class is in the afternoon on thursdays and Irwin went to chop seats earlier. typically, i was late so he sms-ed me where he was sitting and asked me to be careful because it's raining and to remember to bring a brolly. man, how many guys say that to girls who are not their girlfriends? and this guy is guileless so you know he has no ulterior motive.

if gentlemen are that hard to find nowadays, i wonder what about the chilvarous ones. hah.. wake up cheryl.

Left@| 11:03 PM

Sunday, September 18, 2005

1 Samuel 12:20-24
You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. For the sake of His great name the Lord will not reject His people, because the Lord was PLEASED to make you his own. As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you... But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you.

i was really really happy that shaun went for alpha yesterday! though there were a few hiccups here and there but generally he felt that it went ok. :) God hears and blesses! Love You Lord! *muack*

IN CHRIST ALONE
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

Left@| 10:41 PM

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

MY HEART WILL TRUST

I'll walk closer now on the higher way
Through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

You mourn with me and You dance with me
For my heart of hearts is bound to You

Though I walk through valleys low
I'll fear no evil
By the waters still my soul
My heart will trust in You

You counsel me and You comfort me
When I cannot see You light my path
My heart will trust in You

feeling quite frustrated these few days because i don't understand a lot of things that have been happening. i don't feel capable of doing a lot of things and being a perfectionist, that's demoralizing. i hope that i'm chosen not because of relationships or that people are afraid to hurt me but that i was chosen because of the worth that God put in me and that it's God's will. i know i'm not good enough, and i'm inadequate, but Father, use this willing servant of Yours. i want a lot of things done but they don't turn out the way i want them to. it's times like this i have to remind myself that God's ways are higher than mine and His timing and plans for us are ALWAYS PERFECT. it's so tempting to just throw in the towel and say that i give up or that i can't be bothered anymore, but then i have to remember that i have to and i want to be a testimony for God. no way that's going to happen to me if i keep giving up halfway. what testimony can develop that way? how can i grow and mature if i keep hiding from discipline and teaching?

in Samuel, Eli's sons are described as evil and it hurt Eli to know that his sons turned out that way and though he advised them to change, they didn't because it was God's plan for them to die. and i guess i feel like Eli now, not liking what's happening but i know deep down that it's for my good.

Left@| 11:43 PM

Thursday, September 08, 2005

finally a day that i can stay at home at rest... not. i still have to celebrate a friend's birthday later. i've been working in shaun's mum's antique shop cos she's been away. who knew that antiques could be so interesting? haha. quite a bit of history to learn before i could start selling them. weird thing is, 90% of the customers are caucasians, which makes me wonder, why do chinese nowadays not bother so much about their history? or maybe they're just not interested in old stuff. haha.

i thank God that i managed to get the subjects i wanted for year 2 and i even got a great timetable. though it means that i have to go to school for 4 days instead of 3, at least the timings are near perfect and i don't have to go to school on saturdays like last year. and good riddance to soci!! haha!!

was reading 2 Kings 7-9 this morning. an officer, whom the king leans his arm on, doubted God when Elisha prophesised that the siege in Samaria would be lifted the next day. sure enough, the siege was lifted and that officer was trampled to death. makes me wonder how serious it is when we doubt God. whatever God says, happens. and when the people trusted God and believed in Him, they were blessed, just as He promised. why do people doubt God and disobey Him then? why did the people of Israel start to worship other gods when there is such an amazing and awesome God known to them that had blessed them? hmmm.. time to bug auntie christina. haha.

Left@| 3:04 PM

Friday, September 02, 2005

Woohoo!!!!!!!!! God is great!!! :) i just received my results online and i actually passed all my subjects!!!!! haha well that's not the point right? i'm supposed to pass them all and try my best to score. but i give all thanks and glory to our Saviour because i wouldn't have passed without His grace. what can i say? i'm a typical slacker. yakking in class, not paying attention, doing the minimal homework and tests to scrape through, skipping classes here and there. (younger kids reading this blog; i'm not a good role model to follow when it comes to studying.) and i'm not proud of it. i remember panicking like mad a few weeks before the exam and trying to cram everything and hopefully become a genius when the exams come. yeah right. i remember joyce meyer saying, "God will lift you out of easy pits, but He won't lift you out of easy chairs." reuben morgan also said, "God can't help lazy people."

in fact, i had a nightmare a few nights before. i dreamt that i passed everything except sociology. soci is the bane of my life. i seriously don't understand why we have to study it. isn't psychology enough? it's actually an option in my course and i didn't want it. i wanted to choose maths 2 and stats 2 as my option because i hate writing essays. but my school's admin (screwed up as usual) told me that the maths and stats 2 classes were full and i could only take soci. i was complaining my head off and calling different admin staff round the whole school to make them change my elective for me. no way i wanted to chance taking an essay-based subject. but they just refused and i was stuck studying the subject. now the great thing was that my professor is one of the lousiest i've ever seen. she reads from her notes like we're illiterate, her explanations can make you smack your head on the table ("population growth is the growing of people") and she is uber boring. so typically of me, i practically threw the whole subject aside. i even went into the exam hall thinking i was going to fail since i couldn't be bothered to revise and pay attention in class. i've been praying fervently for my results these last few days, waiting for doomsday.

but how could i forget that our God is merciful and full of grace? from what i heard, loads of muggers failed soci, and i managed to pass. how awesome is our God! when i was panicking big time these few days, God spoke to me, "why are you afraid of your results? there's nothing you can do about it now. you can only learn from it and mature from it. I know what's best for you. Trust me, for I will always be with you." ah, our Father's just so amazing isn't He? i really hope that i'll learn from this lesson and i won't take it for granted that such miracles will happen all the time. i pray that i won't become like Solomon in his last days, fooling around with other women when God specifically said not to marry them because they would turn men away from Him and to other gods. but Solomon didn't heed the Lord's word and even when God spoke to him again, he turned a deaf ear. and because of that, his son was left with only one tribe instead of all of Israel.

Left@| 11:26 PM

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I don't know why but the song, Because You Love Me, sung by Celine Dion many years ago keeps playing in my head. then i realised that it is the kind of love song that I would love to sing to my darling Father in Heaven to thank Him and to praise Him for all the love He has given me and all the amazing things He has blessed me with and done for me. It's like what King Solomon said in 1 Kings 8:23, " O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like You in Heaven above or on earth below - You who keep Your covenant of love with Your servants who continue wholeheartedly in Your way."

BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME
For all those times You stood by me
For all the truth that You made me see
For all the joy You brought to my life
For all the wrong that You've made right
For every dream that You made come true
For all the love I've found in You
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best that was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith cos You believed
I'm everything I am
Because You love me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand, I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, You gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had Your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day You gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by You

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining Your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies You were the truth
My world is a better place because of You

I'm everything I am because You love me

1 Kings 8: 56 - 62 "Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel just as He promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises He gave through His servant Moses. May the Lord our God be with us as He was with our fathers; may He never leave us nor forsake us. May He turn our hearts to Him, to walk in all His ways and to keep the commands, decrees and regulations He gave to our fathers. And may these words of mine, which I have prayed before the Lord, be near to the Lord our God day and night, that He may uphold the cause of His servant and the cause of His people Israel according to each day's need, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God and that there is no other. But your hearts must be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by His decrees and obey His commands, as at this time."

Left@| 9:15 PM

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