Reaching For You.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

was watching jerry maguire this afternoon and i happened to catch the emotional part where tom cruise realises that he loves renee zelleweger.
you complete me.
the famous line of the show.
handsome and charming tom cruise saying that.
i would have probably swooned like the rest of the female viewers if i didn't watch oprah yesterday.

maybe it's cos i'm on holiday and i've been busy busy busy during this whole holiday that you give me 2 days of rest and suddenly i don't know what to do with myself that i'm starting to watch gossipy talk shows and sappy romantic movies.
yesterday it was featured on oprah that a man nicknamed casanova actually had 9 women he was either married to or engaged to over the span of 2 years.
how these women actually got conned i have no idea.
this man actually proposed within weeks of meeting them and they actually had no qualms about saying yes.
because he knew what to say at the right time.
he looked average.
they knew next to nuts about him except that he claimed that he was either in the navy or the airforce.
and that he always turned up for dates in his uniform.
isn't that like a big giveaway?
like doesn't this guy have clothes or is he psycho or something to wear the same thing all the time?
and he managed to carry on this facade till one of the last of his fiancees' or wives' or whatever's mother found cheques missing and checked up on him to find out that he had been to jail and had been married so many times.
funny how she gets suspicious of a man who steals money from her yet she wasn't suspicious of him when her daughter decides to get hitched to a man she barely knew.
huh.
durr-brains.
and guess what?
he actually used the line, "you complete me."
eurgh.
no wonder i got put off tom cruise just now.

so there's this psychiatrist on oprah, dr robin smith or other, who's an expert on relationships and she gives all these women advice on how they should move on and how they should rectify mistakes.
one thing she said was that women nowadays, even though with sexual equality and what with most of them being career women and "independent", are still trained to think that we're insufficient by ourselves and that we need a relationship, specifically one with a man, to complete us.
she said that we should learn how to complete ourselves with our family and by ourselves so that we won't have to depend on men to complete us.
this is to save us from being desparate to hang onto relationships cos most women think their lives aren't worth it if they don't have a husband or boyfriend.
sad, but the real facts of this world.
some might think it's sexist, but i think that we should really let God be the one to complete us.
not fallible humans who will fail us at times.

i felt far away from God for a few days and i'm so glad that i'm back right beside Him.
cos i've been feeling empty and hollow the past few days.
and it's no wonder because i wasn't tuned in to God.

You complete me, Father.

Left@| 6:00 PM

Thursday, July 20, 2006

PSALMS 51 : 10 - 17
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You.
Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God, You who are God my Saviour, and my tongue will sing of Your righteousness.
Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare Your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice or I would bring it; You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken spirit and contrite heart.
You, God, will not despise.

EZEKIEL 36 : 26 - 29
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put My Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep My laws.
Then you will lieve in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be My people and I will be your God.

I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the grain and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you.

If you are facing hardship, stop and seek an encounter with God.

- Darlene Zschech

Left@| 11:53 AM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

one year.
it's been a year since my life changed.
this night, last year.
how joyful, how different i've been since then.
ah that day when i was mocking when cece winans went up the stage to sing an uber long song of God's glory and love.
and there i was sitting in my seat thinking to myself what can i learn from a woman who just stands there and sings other than she sings better than whitney?
like bring on jack hayford or john maxwell or brian houston who can wow the crowd with words of wisdom and weight.

15 mins into the song and i started crying like i've never cried before.
i hate weaknesses so i don't cry often.
all the previous church camps which i had a feeling and started to cry could not compare to this.
there i was, crying not because i was happy or overwrought or upset.
just crying for i-don't-know-what reason.
and i just couldn't stop.
i wasn't sobbing. just had tears rolling down with my normal face on.
talk abt cry me a river man.
i looked at auntie chris like, "MAKE IT STOP!"
and she smiled at me and said, "you're being touched by God. let Him do the work in you."
and i never worshipped God the same way i used to since then, just singing for the sake of singing. not meaning whatever i sang. not really sure if there was really a God.
it's so different hearing testimonies about God then finally experiencing the Almighty Himself.

halfway through the tears with my head bowed cos i thought i was making a fool out of myself, God said, "it doesn't matter what you've been. all that matters is that you're back with Me now. BE MY MARY."
i never heard God so clearly in my whole life.
it sounded like it came from the huge amp beside the piano when i play.

like hmmm, be His mary huh.
so i thought i'll just sit at His feet and listen like mary did in the Bible right?
except that it didn't really work out after a while.
yeah i still read my Bible daily, i still do my quiet time everyday since that night.
but i still keep getting distracted by many of the worldly stuff.
a few months ago, david sanborn came to our church to speak and he prayed for me and what he said was "God wants you to be His mary."
right.
a few weeks later zec made us read a Bible verse each from the passages he chose.
mine was from mary and martha.
again.
when i went for the silent retreat with the worship team i just had this tug that i really needed a prayer partner.
for what reason, i didn't really know either.
so i prayed for many weeks for a partner and a few people came to mind but i didn't know who to approach.
i got quite irritated after a few weeks and prayed that whoever mentions to me that i've been on her mind for a while, will be my prayer partner.
last sunday while waiting for cheryl's run to start, auntie erika told me that i've been on her mind since before church camp.
like o... k...
God answered my prayers!
yup so we're still settling stuff abt it.

many people to give thanks to:

God: thank You Father for still loving me and bringing me back to You even though i was so far away. i never thought i'd experience You. thank You for having mercy on me and blessing me beyond my wildest dreams. You promised me 2 things like You made a covenant with Abraham and i will claim it when i'm ready. :) You are everything i need and more. i will learn to be the mary You want me to be eventually and to love You with all my heart, soul and mind.

Auntie Chris: thank you for helping me so much this past year especially, being patient with someone who's practically like a born-again Christian and being such a great mentor. i've learnt so much from you and i look forward to learning even more from a princess of God.

Buddy: thank you for supporting me when i was low. thank you for being there when i needed a friend. thank you for blessing me with God's word and turning me to God when i needed to. i'll make sure that your party turns out great, to show how much i appreciate you. :)

Zec: thanks for the many encouragements to better myself and to serve Him with all i have and all that i am. thank you for praying for me many many years ago to be the servant i am today. still have loads to learn. :) thanks for being such a great brother that i never had.

Pastor Kenny: thank you for giving me the chance to go for the conference. thank you for believing in me, for choosing me to go to sydney. if you didn't choose me i guess i might have never changed to be the person i am today.

Auntie Erika: thanks for agreeing to be my prayer partner. i look forward to many fulfulling and enlightening moments with God and you. :)

Dearie: thank you for still loving me after all these years. you have been a light for me through the dark years. i guess it was quite a huge shock you had when i left for sydney as one person and came back nearly a totally different person. haha. but you still love me anyway and i still love you. :)

Left@| 3:11 PM

Monday, July 03, 2006

my leg muscles are aching.
i haven't ran since like J2's NAPFA which was like 3 years ago and all of a sudden i'm running 2 and a half rounds and walking like 3 more.
haha so not me.
i'm not what you call athletic.
joined category E just in case i can't even run one round and i had loads of uncles and aunties telling me that i'm in the wrong category and physically pushing me out of the group.
uncle edwin told me i was colour-blind.
uncle edwin: your tag shouldn't be purple. it should either be red or blue. are you colour-blind?
me: ah but it's the registration people who gave me the purple band so they're the colour-blind ones.

anyways, went shopping for buddy's party stuff with leo today.
walked from far east to taka and was supposed to walk all the way to plaza singapura to the spotlight there but we were to lazy and tired from yesterday. haha.
that's how tired i am.
so after walking many times round spotlight and finally getting what we needed, leo and i decided to leave early.
the 190 was super crowded as usual when i boarded it and i was moaning how i was going to have to stand all the way to the interchange which is like a good 30 plus mins away.
the lady right in front of me was asleep with her head nodding off.
God spoke to me.
God: my child, do you need a seat?
me: if you don't mind. i'd be so grateful.
immediately the lady woke up and alighted from the bus.
so this happy girl had a seat all the way home. :)
isn't it awesome what our Father does for His beloved children?

oh i could sing unending songs of how You saved my soul
i could dance a thousand miles because of Your great love
my heart is bursting Lord
to tell of all You've done
of how you changed my life and wiped away the past
i wanna shout it out
from every roof top sing
for now i know that God is for me not against me
everybody's singing now
cos we're so happy
everybody's dancing now
cos we're so happy
if only we could see Your face
and see You smiling over us
and unseen angels celebrate
the joy is in this place!

Left@| 10:01 PM

Previous Posts

Archives