Reaching For You.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Mark 2:17

Luke 8:48 says "Then He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." "

When I was hospitalised, I prayed really hard that I would get discharged. Like right there and then. I thought going to hospitals was quite cool (this is what you get from watching too much grey's anatomy) but having the doctors poke you everywhere, take your blood pressure and temperature incessantly, do blood tests on you and make you pee for what seems like the 100th time that day to test your urine, it gets kinda horrifying. I don't have a high threshold of pain so it was a total nightmare to me, being on the drip for nearly a day and a half. It reminded me of Luke 8:48. How I wished that God would heal me and tada!! i was miraculously healed and the doctors would be astonished and have no choice but to let me go. No more guinea pig for them to try stuff with. Haa. But nope, no such luck.

I prayed that God would have mercy on me and not let me have an operation. I got admitted (to the maternity ward no less!) and a doctor came to tell me that they would operate on me that very night, whether they found my appendix inflamed or not. Me freaking out was an understatement. So I prayed even more. For some reason, the doctors didn't come back that night and I didn't have any operation. Cool huh? :)

After being discharged, I wondered why didn't God just heal me. I thought that maybe at that point, I didn't trust Him enough to heal me. Then I realised that through all the patient-mode stuff, my family had to take care of me. They had to cover my chores and they did it uncomplainingly. So even though I feel that I could do without being admitted in hospital, I guess I wouldn't be able to appreciate the things my family did for me after that. Not as much as I do now, which I never did before this.

Left@| 1:51 PM

Monday, May 08, 2006

you.
it had to be you.
why did you have to go anyway?
you had to ruin 4 days of my life.
i've never been so stressed in my entire life.
why i said those things?
because I DON'T TRUST YOU.
simple as that.
not him.
you.
so don't you dare give me crap about what i said.
because i never controlled.
but i had do it.
because of you.
whenever it was OTHER PEOPLE, i never said anything.
because i TRUST (present tense, you hear?) him.
but with you, huh.
who can trust you with the way you do things?
so it's not that i don't trust him.
it's that I DON'T TRUST YOU.
because of you, i lost trust in another friend.
because of you.
you.
you can be cold.
you can walk past and glare.
but i don't care.
you mean nothing to me.
so i know now.
you can't threaten me.
because you mean nothing.
so good riddance!
i'm glad i pissed you off.

Left@| 11:24 PM

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